Commercials...FF8 Style!
by Elizabeth Parkside
Summary: Here are our beloved FF8 characters starring in commercials...Who would've thought?


**Commercials…FF8 Style!!!!**

*Author's Note: Howdy! Since I totally ran out of ideas for FF8 Bloopers, I thought I'd give commercials a try! I'm not sure if these have been done before, but if so, I APOLOGIZE for stealing your idea! I DID NOT KNOW! Okies…I think I'm done. Thanks for the GREAT reviews I've been receiving. I love you guys! I APOLOGIZE again if I have any spelling mistakes. PLEASE don't send me reviews bitchin' at me 'bout them! Thanks! Enjoy! Review!*

**Disclaimer: I do not claim to have created any of these commercials, and have changed them quite a bit. Heh…I don't own FF8 yet either, huh?**

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Jess The Director: Alright. Welch's commercial take one! Action.

Director's Assistant, Sarah: ::runs across with the choppy thing held upside down and claps it::

Seifer is sitting at a table with a tall glass of grape juice in front of him. A large jug of juice sits to his left. 

Seifer: Welch's grape juice is made with real concord grapes! Now, whenever I drink Welch's nice and slow.

Seifer brings the glass to his lips and tips it to take a drink, but some drizzles out onto his shirt.

Seifer: ::looks down at the stain:: Ahh, shit…

Director Jess: This isn't starting out well…

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Molson Canadian commercial take one! Action!

Assistant Sarah: ::echoes:: Take one!

Zell is standing by a big pile of instrument cases, waving a truck backwards, wearing a t-shirt that says "Molson Canadian Rocks!"

Zell: Keep 'er comin'!

The truck keeps backing up.

Zell: ::holds up his hands, standing in front of the instruments:: Okay, that's enough!

The truck keeps backing up.

Zell: ::waves his arms:: Woah, stop!

The truck is inches from him.

Zell: WOAH, STOP! STOP!!!! WOAH, STO-

Zell disappears under the truck.

Zell: ::voice muffled:: Oww…Bastard…

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Herbal Essences Commercial, take one!

Assistant Sarah: ::hollers:: TAKE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quistis is standing in a CD shop, studying a CD.

Rajin: I urge you to buy this CD, ya know? ::dressed as a sales person::

Quistis: ::looks over her glasses at him:: Urge?

She pulls the pins from her hair and shakes it out. Out of nowhere, Squall, Seifer, Zell, and Irvine appear and start lathering up her hair with Herbal Essences.

Seifer, Zell, Squall, & Irvine: She's got the urge! ::singing::

Quistis: I've got the- OW! GODDAMMIT, I'VE GOT SHAMPOO IN MY HAIR!! OWWWW!!

Director Jess: CUUUUT! Sarah, gimme some asprin.

Assistant Sarah: Yes'm. ::runs off::

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Milk Commercial Take One!

Assistant Sarah: TAKE ONE!!!!!!!!!!! ::bellows, receiving a glare from Jess in the process::

Zell is eating a chocolate desert in front of a monkey cage. 

Zell: You want some? Too bad! ::teasing the monkey::

The monkey reaches for the chocolate, but Zell snatches it out of the way.

Zell: Hee hee! You want it? Too bad! ::chuckles eating more::

The monkey rattles the bars.

Zell: ::stuffs the rest in his mouth, laughing through the mouthful, and starts towards a food stand.

Selphie watches from the food stand, frowning. When Zell walks up, she slams down a bar gate, closing off the opening.

Zell: 0.0

Selphie: ::waves a carton of milk in front of him:: You want it? Huh? Too bad!

Zell: ::tries to reach for the milk but she snatches it out of his reach::

Selphie: Hee hee! You want it? Too bad!

Zell: ::rattles the bars:: Mmmph!

Selphie: ::looks to the camera and winks:: Got milk?

Zell: ::gawks as the tree beside the stand topples over on him::

Zell: ::very muffled:: Mmm…Baphard…

Director Jess: ::groans::

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Mentos Commercial Take one!

Assistant Sarah: TAAAAKE ONE!!!!!!!!!! ::gets hit upside the head by Jess for yelling::

Rinoa bustles out of a crowded club, holding her stomach which looked like she was pregnant. The crowd willingly lets her through.

Squall: ::drives up into the driveway on a bike::

Rinoa: ::hops on the back of the bike and takes a helmet from beneath her dress, putting it on::

Before driving off, Rinoa holds up a roll of Mentos.

Rinoa: ::mouths:: "Mentos…The freshmaker!"

Squall drives them off, but as soon as they leave the driveway, they crash into a passing bus.

Zell: ::behind the wheel of the bus:: The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round… ::singing merrily::

Director Jess: Good Lord…

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Loreal Kids Shampoo Commercial Take One!

Assistant Sarah: Take one! ::whispers loudly::

Selphie is dancing around in front of the camera, rubbing shampoo into her wet hair with one hand, holding a bottle of Loreal Kids Shampoo in her other hand.

Selphie: Loreal Kids! No more ouch!

To demonstrate, she smears the shampoo suds over her eyes…And screams.

Selphie: AAAAHHH!! THEY LIED! IT BURRRRRRRNS!! AHHHHHHH!! HOLY SHIIIT!! AAHHH!

Director Jess: Okay…Who switched the shampoos?!

Irvine: Tee hee! ::runs off to his trailer, cackling gleefully::

Selphie: ARRRRGH!! IRVINE, I'M GONNA _KILL_ YOU! GIMME THE SCISSORS!! I'M GUNNA CHOP OFF THAT BEAUTIFUL HAIR AND MAKE A WIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Director Jess: Where do I get these people?

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Secret Antiperspirant Commercial Take One!

Assistant Sarah: Take-mmmph! ::her mouth is covered by Jess's hand::

Seifer is standing in the middle of a white room, studying some Secret Antiperspirant. 

Quistis runs up and kicks Seifer where the sun don't shine. While Seifer is doubled over, she snatches away the Secret.

Quistis: ::looks at the camera and grins:: Secret…Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Fruit Loops Commercial, take one!

Assistant Sarah: ::is all tied up with tape covering her mouth::

Zell walks onset dressed in a blue bodysuit and wearing a big plastic toucan beak over his nose.

Zell: ::leans against the giant fruit loop box, crossing his arms:: Fruit Loops…Follow your nose!

Zell looks up as the giant box starts to wobble.

Zell: ::is squashed beneath the giant box:: Oww…Bastard…

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Aquafresh Commercial, take one.

Assistant Sarah: ::glowers at Jess::

Irvine walks out onset and grins at the camera with dazzling white teeth.

Irvine: Aquafresh…It…uhh…Line?

Director Jess: ::bangs her head off the arm of her chair::

****SCENE CHANGE***

Director: Mountain Dew Commercial…Take one. ::swallowing an asprin::

Assistant Sarah: ::bites through the tape:: TAKE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A cheetah runs full speed through the African plains. Seifer runs just behind him.

Seifer: Slow *pant* Down, *pant,pant* Cheetah!

Finally Seifer tackles the cheetah and reaches, grimacing, down the cheetah's throat.

Cheetah: O.o

Seifer: ::pulls out a can of Mountain Dew:: Bad cheetah!

Squall, Irvine, and Zell watch with disbelief from a while away.

Irvine: That's why I'm not a cat person.

All four guys crack open Mountain Dew and chug.

Seifer: ::looks toward the camera and grins:: Do The Dew.

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Mazda Protégé Commercial. Take one.

Assistant Sarah: Take one. ::foot being stepped on by Jess::

The shiny automobile rolls down many highways and under a few bridges before passing by Fujin, who is dressed in a spiffy black suit and tie. 

Fujin: ZOOM ZOOM! ::crosses her arms::

Magically, the words "_Mazda Protégé" _scroll across the sky.

***SCENE CHANGE***

Director Jess: Lay's Commercial, take one.

Assistant Sarah: ::mumbles:: Take one.

Squall is lounging on the couch, watching the football game on TV.

Rinoa comes to sit next to him.

Rinoa: Look what I brought! ::hands him a video tape::

Squall: "Most romantic video of the year"? ::reads the case skeptically and goes back to watching the game::

Rinoa: ::opens a bag of regular Lay's potato chips and offers it to him:: Chip?

Squall: ::reaches in to take a chip, popping it in his mouth::

A few seconds pass.

Squall: ::reaches for another one::

Rinoa: ::pulls it out of his reach:: Uh uh, ::teasingly::

Squall: ::frowns slightly, then holds up the video:: Uh uh, ::mimics her::

Rinoa: ::shrugs and starts eating chips again, ignoring him::

Squall: ::looks from the video to the chips, a frown creasing his brow as he considers::

Zell: ::peeks up from behind the couch, whispering:: Lay's…Bet you can't eat just one.

*********

BACKSTAGE…

Assistant Sarah, Zell, Irvine, and Seifer sit backstage.

Assistant Sarah: So…How'd you like doing your own commercials?

Zell: Man…You never realize how much work actors in commercial's do 'til you actually become one.

Seifer: Yeah…That Welch's Grape Juice kid has some serious talent. None of HER shirts got stained.

Irvine: Hell yeah…

Selphie runs in, holding a cup of coffee.

Selphie: I-found-coffee-d'you-guys-have-any-more-coffee? I-need-more-coffee-now-right-now-right-now-right-NOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Irvine: ::cowers::

Seifer: ::backs out of the room::

Zell: ::screams and runs like hell, smacking into the giant fruit loop box and getting squashed beneath it:: Oww…bastard…Again…

Assistant Sarah: Heh heh…

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Alrighty, hope ya'll liked that. If you did, maybe I'll write more…Tell me what you think, but be gentle…I'm sensitive! ::sniffles:: Please review and have a nice day! ^.~


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